2008-06-19 08:24:36
If I were a screenwriter, I’d write a scene that could be taken verbatim from one of many conversations I’ve had with cars. Voice Command, haha. And that “haha” could be literal, at least when it comes to the Command part. The scene would be hilarious. Next time it happens, in fact, I’ll blog it here.
You say to the dashboard, “Temperature 70 degrees,” and it responds by cranking the audio up full blast. Things like that.
Navigation systems. Don’t get me started. When they work, which is to say when you can figure them out, they’re a fantastic time-saver. A wonderful invention, like cellphones; what did we do without them? The problem is that they’re so damn anti-intuitive, so impossibly programmed. I’ve seen GPS systems for sale for about $150, and although I haven’t used one yet, I suspect they do the job just fine, if not better. It might be the answer: save your $1500 or $2000 for the optional nav system with your new car, and pick up a cheap aftermarket system.
Like with my new cellphone. I got a free $240 phone for renewing my contract, but it was unusable. For starters, the screen was unreadable in daylight: tiny numbers, and blue-on-blue. I have no idea how such a stupid design made its way to market. A whole line of idiots, from concept to approval. I sent it back. I got another free $240 phone, which is no better. I’ll sell it on eBay. I bought a $30 phone (with a $10 rebate) at Best Buy that works just fine.
Which brings us to the Infiniti EX35 I recently tested. At least to its navigation screen. Absolutely unreadable, in daylight. Into the setting sun, you can’t see it. Into the rising sun, you can’t see it. At high noon, you can’t see it. The worst part is that it’s not just a navigation screen, it’s an information screen. You can’t tell if the radio is on or not, let alone tune it to a station. You can’t even read the temperature in the window.
The information screen includes a backup video, which is sometimes but not always better. There’s a warning beeper to go with it, that continues to beep after you’ve cleared whatever it is you might have hit, apparently because it’s not programmed to know whether it’s coming or going. It doesn’t help that the big hatchback, which is what the EX35 is, has big blind spots.
Meanwhile, the engine is brilliant. It’s rocket fast. That 3.5-liter Nissan V6 is a world beater. And the transmission is mechanically smooth and bulletproof. But the tranny’s computer programming interferes with your driving. It downshifts down hills, on its own. Some geek is controlling your car.
Now to the hilarious part, with the navigation system of the Toyota Sequoia SUV I tested. But it wasn’t hilarious at the time, particularly when it led me to the end of a small dark road, at night. Literally, a dead end, a long way from the correct route.
But backing up a bit (as I had to do that night), it was infuriating to program. Non-intuitive, as most of them are. I had to break out the 592-page manual. Five hundred and ninety-two pages! That should tell you something right there, without opening the book.
I finally got the destination programmed. Off the bat, the route contradicted the road signs. Idiot that I am, I followed the nav system’s route. That cost me 45 minutes I didn’t have. Very bad timing. Into Friday rush-hour traffic south of Seattle, that wasn’t necessary.
The Voice gives directions like, “WA 161 is on the right, and then keep left.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Apparently, I guess, it means “Turn right on WA 161.” The Voice never once says “turn” onto WA 161, it just says it’s there. Well, there’s also a billboard of a giant hot dog on the right, am I supposed to turn into that?
And don’t say, “Oh, you know what it means.” That requires interpretation. These things should not require interpretation of imprecise language, because there’s so much room for error in interpretation.
When I finally recognized that the Sequoia’s nav system was less than useless, after two days of giving it repeated chances, it finally got ridiculous. I programmed it to take me to a place 10 miles away, where I knew the correct route. It started out sending me in the wrong direction, and as I drove in the correct direction, it kept telling me to turn back, and follow its direction. It’s not programmed to recalculate—as the good systems are. It WOULD NOT change its mind. For 10 miles, it kept telling me to turn back, so that its incorrect route could be followed. I was TWO BLOCKS away from the destination, and I could see the red X right there on the screen, and the Voice was still telling me to turn around and go back.
Okay, I’ve had my rant. The Sequoia isn’t the first system that’s been impossible, and it won’t be the last. It’s just an example. In future Road Test Blogs, I might just rate the systems, 1 to 5, and skip the sordid details. To save repetition.
But now, to the good part about the Sequoia. I got the big SUV primarily to test its towing capability, and it did a wonderful job. It’s rated to tow 10,000 pounds, a huge amount, and it handled my load of 6500 pounds with no sweat, using the V8 engine’s 381 horsepower and whopping 401 pound-feet of torque. The brakes were up to the task, no worries, and the transmission’s tow/haul mode kept it from kicking in and out of overdrive. It was rock steady on the freeway at 70 miles per hour, where it averaged a decent 12.9 miles per gallon towing that load at that speed—although that mileage made the tank seem smaller than its 26.4 gallons on the highway, and larger at the gas pump, with $100 fillups after 330 miles.
The backup camera was wonderful to have, when connecting the hitch to the trailer, because you can line it up perfectly. When I first hooked the rig to the Sequoia, I stood back and watched in awe as the automatic load leveler just jacked the rear end of the SUV up to the correct height.
I don’t know about all this, maybe that’s why my own tow rig is a 20-year-old Chevy one-ton pickup truck. It’s got all the strength, with its whompin’ 454-cubic-inch motor, without the computer issues. You can fix things with a hammer.
Sam Moses
Previous Blogs:
The Big Rant, part 1: Land Rover LR3
2008-05-20 12:27:19
I should get this all over with in one blog, but it’ll be three. Too bad I have to pick on the Land Rover LR3, Toyota Sequoia, and Infiniti EX35, because so many upscale cars nowadays have the same issues: high tech for the sake of being high...
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Jaguar XF Leaps to the Front
2008-03-31 11:58:08
I make a promise in the intro that this blog will go places regular reviews don’t go. For example the following, which proves itself objective (assuming I didn’t make it all up), because being a personal email it’s evidence...
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Bueno Baja Breakdowns
2008-03-16 07:13:52
I’m living down here in my trailer in an RV Park on the Sea of Cortez in Baja for a couple more weeks, working on “Senor Madre, the Joy of Homemaking, My Life with the AngloArabAsian Brothers,” or whatever I’m finally going...
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Top 10 High Performance Cars
2008-03-14 13:00:47
I’m proud to admit that I’m a track-time hog. One of the reasons I’m an automotive journalist is to get on the track with the latest high-performance cars. Every minute I’m on the track makes me feel a day...
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Perfect Catalina Day in an 09 Forester
2008-03-13 20:21:57
I know that people don’t drive around off-road all day in their Subaru Foresters, but I gotta tell you how good the Forester is in the dirt. It’s fantastic in the dirt. How they get a suspension to work that well both on the road...
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The General Scores an Ace with Pontiac G8
2008-03-11 05:13:59
I flew straight from the Phoenix launch of the Mercedes C63 AMG to the San Diego launch of the new Pontiac G8. It’s the GTO of today, and better than ever. Lots of things to say about the G8, all of them good. And it’s great to...
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Mercedes C63 AMG, a Badass Benz Totally Built by AMG
2008-03-10 07:59:56
On February 25 I flew into Phoenix from Baja, where I live in a 29-foot trailer in an RV park on the beach in winter. It had been a great six weeks, kitesurfing by day and writing by...
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Ferrari 333SP Prototype at Daytona
2007-01-01 18:52:51
Here's the trouble with life: You sometimes don't know whether you should do a lot of preparation or none, or whether you should listen to a lot of people or nobody. Not that the opportunity to drive a Ferrari 333S P at Daytona could ever under any...
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